Blogging has been a little harder than I imaged.
Yeah, there’s a lot of technical stuff to learn and A LOT of time spent scheduling and looking to see if what you are doing is getting any traction. One week I’m hitting my highest views, then the next, all I hear is crickets. It’s frustrating. Then comes the image. What do I want, you the reader, to see, feel or think when you look at my blog? What will make you stop scrolling through Pinterest and actually click through to my post?
Since I began this journey, I’ve had a million and one ideas of what this blog should be about. The past few weeks I’ve taken a step back from blogging and have realized, it’s more than this blog. It’s what my life should be about.
What do I want my life to be?
What do I want to stand for? How do I want people to see me? These questions have been plaguing me for months. I feel like I’m having a quarter century crisis! (Yes I just turned 25 and feel super old, but I’m rolling with it.) When I was in high school, I thought I had everything figured out. But now, all of those plans no longer seem appealing to me and my life is slowly changing.
I thought I wanted to be a chef.
While in high school, I only visited one college and that was The Culinary Institute of America, my college. I fell so in love with the campus and how immersed you become in cooking while there, I didn’t need to see anything else. I decided to pursue my passion of food there. Our classes were 8 hours in the kitchen cooking and serving other students, staff and campus visitors 5 days a week. I loved it! After 2 years of that, I continued on to get my bachelors in business management. I figured I wouldn’t want to cook in the kitchen forever, so I’d better have a back-up plan/degree.
While in my second year, we had to take an externship.
It was a paid or non- paid job in what ever type of restaurant you wanted for about 5 months. It was an opportunity to learn from the best and it set you up for a possible job after graduation. After receiving an amazing offer in DC, I went to visit the hotel I’d be working for and before even going in the door, I knew this wasn’t where I was meant to be. My gut was telling me no and I listened. My parents and sisters, who drove in with me, were pissed and we left without ever seeing it.
While on a day trip in NYC a few days later, my friend showed me this restaurant I had never heard of and I fell in love. My gut feeling was so strong that day. I knew this was the place. So, I went to my dream city, NYC, for my externship. The place I planned to move to after graduation and work, bounce around the city and live this amazing dream life as a city girl. Well… things didn’t work out that way. I was absolutely miserable while there. My job was enjoyable but I
hated dreaded going. I loved all of the fun the city had to offer, but I missed my family and friends. At the time, I thought it was just the city. Maybe it wasn’t right for me? I didn’t acknowledge the fact that maybe my job there wasn’t making me happy either. I kinda just ignored it.
Fast forward to graduation.
4 years and 2 degrees later, I was finally done with school and SO ready to start making money and living my life. I ended up working in the front of house as a supervisor, then moving back home and moving up to a manager. It was the dream job. A great company, great pay, amazing career opportunities. Except one thing was wrong. I hated it. It was then I finally realized, the career I chose for myself while in high school no longer aligned with the life I wanted to live. Working ten or twelve hour days was no longer okay with me. So, after just a few months at this job, I quit. So long steady paycheck, future career opportunities and my life plan as I knew it.
Since then, I have been on a search for what I am suppose to do with my life. In the few months, while I haven’t figured it all out, I have learned that I want to earn a living doing something that I created. Something that is mine. Something that is me. (Hence this blog). I have also learned that I am far from where I am meant to be. By that, I mean I know I have a purpose but I just haven’t figured it out yet, but I know I’ll get there.
My intuition has always been a strength for me in the past but as life got busier and more confusing, that once inside guide has been missing lately. It’s hard to pinpoint when I stopped listening to it but now more than ever, I need it back.
Life is unpredictable and messy and confusing and a pain in the ass.
It isn’t always clear right away how you are suppose to live it. But I think that’s okay. I think coming to terms with the fact that there are going to be twists and turns along the way that throw everything out of wack is important to recognize in order to move forward, towards your goal or purpose.
So I’ve decided instead of trying to figure everything out today, maybe I’ll just try to be a little bit better off today than I was yesterday.
Then tomorrow, I’ll try to be a little bit better off than I was today.
Be better. Be present.
If you’ve lost touch with your intuition and listening to your needs like I have, get back in touch with yourself. I believe with manifesting your dreams and listening to yourself, everything in life will fall in line. That starts with becoming more present in every moment that you’re in. Appreciate what you have and listen to how you’re feeling and what your body is telling you. In the spirit of getting back in touch, I’ve recently started yoga and it has been A LIFE CHANGER. There’s something about focusing on your breathing and listening to what your body tells you as you change to each position; it really makes you stop and become more present. Your needs become the focal point. Journaling has helped enhance this concept. Simply asking myself how I’m feeling in this moment makes me become more present. It’s not something you have to share with the world, just something you should recognize. By understanding your needs, you will be one step closer to satisfying them.
Honestly, I have no idea what this blog or my life will become in the next few years. The challenge of finding my greater purpose will continue but, I do hope this blog will be an extension of me and my journey. A place where people feeling a similar way as me can feel less alone. A place where you can learn how to improve your life, on all different levels. I believe life will fall into place as long as you allow it.
How are feeling in this very moment?